4 strategies to take action today
It’s no surprise that breaks are critical for mothers. For mental and physical health, breaks are a necessity, not a luxury, so why do we feel guilty for taking them? During my first year of motherhood, I was lucky enough to have help after she was 3 months old. Before that, we were in a different country during a pandemic, so the family was far with no way of coming to help! But even when the time came where we were reunited with our families, it was really hard to catch a break. I was still working full time but the job was remote so I was working from home for the most part. Every time I had a break from work, I felt obligated and would often go help with the baby care.
Do you enjoy listening to content on the go? Then you would enjoy this episode on The Wander Mom Diaries Podcast, and likely other episodes that have been produced, so give it a listen and a follow if you enjoy this experience!
I will be going over 4 strategies you can apply TODAY to start making more time for yourself even if it feels impossible. I just want to let you know in advance that even though I share many stories and examples for mothers of young babies, the tips for time management I encourage you to try can apply to anyone at any stage in life and can even be tips for work-life balance.
I loved being able to see my baby whenever I wanted to, but I think the lack of having a place of separation led to a build-up of stress and anxiety and I started to forget and lose who I used to be. I knew breaks were needed, but it took me over a year to figure out how and I'm hoping to save you the time and exhaustion. I don’t have all the answers, but I can share a few tips to find time for yourself and what you can do with that time to help with the mental and physical pressures you feel that are invisible to everyone around you.
Number 1: Physically remove yourself from the scene. When your child is entertained and cared for by someone else, there is NO reason for you to be there. You don’t need to supervise and you don’t need to be socially polite... get up and leave the scene.
You can give a reason if you want, or a time frame, say you’ll be back in 15 minutes, or 30 minutes, 2 hours, whatever, but you just need to leave to a place where you don’t see or hear what is happening.
When you hear your little ones, you naturally want to engage. When they see you, they want you, so find another room and close the door (invest in noise-canceling headphones if you do this), go for a walk, go drive somewhere, whatever you can do to get some physical separation so that you can start to get some mental headspace as well.
Number 2: Set goals and objectives for the breaks you know will be coming. I’m still trying to get the hang of this, but my daughter takes one nap a day. When I’m caring for her full time during the summers, I use that time to do whatever I want (within the range of the baby monitor signal. It’s usually not much, sometimes it’s 45 minutes, sometimes 90 minutes, but I usually get SOMETHING once a day. So try to actually have a plan for that time slot in the day. You should know early in the morning what exactly you want to do with that time and have it ready to go.
If it’s a workout video on YouTube, then have the video already set up, space ready, tv angled correctly, workout clothes laid out, etc. That way, you can use ALL the time you have to its fullest potential. If you don’t plan ahead, your little one will be awake right when you’re about to begin.
Also, it is tempting to clean, do laundry, pick up dog poop in the yard, or “feel” productive, but the time for yourself is critical to your health, so you need to take this break, for your own wellbeing.
Number 3: Plan for different types of time for yourself. There are times in the day where I can be partially present with the little one and there are times where I need to give her full attention.
I remind myself often to be fully present during certain times of the day and I'm getting better at identifying those times and training my brain not to think about anything else right except playing, engaging, talking, and teaching my daughter.
When I commit that time with her, then it fulfills me and I know there are other parts of the day where I don’t need to be fully engaged with her. For example, going for walks. I use this time to listen to podcasts or use the amazing and free Libby app to listen to audiobooks.
I used to be on Clubhouse a lot because it is an audio-only platform and I could walk, nurse, or do the dishes and participate, this could be a good option for you mommas who are craving intellectual conversations with adults!
When you become aware of the different times you have during the day for breaks, you can then self-assess your different levels of brainpower throughout the day. I quickly noticed that I have different amounts of brain energy throughout the day.
If I get up before my daughter (which is very rarely), then my brain is ready to create and I do so, but in the evening when I’m spent, I try to do fun things that don’t take much brainpower, like playing around with Procreate drawing tutorials or reading.
Number 4: Do things that make you feel good, and stand your ground (because others may not feel like you’re spending your time “correctly”, but it is absolutely nobody’s decision but your own to determine whether what you’re doing in your free time is of value).
If you have a side hustle business that gives you life, then work on that during your breaks. If you like to meditate, work out, draw, paint, talk with a friend, hike, write blog posts, build websites, write songs… I’m not going to list everything that makes people happy, but the point is, everyone has something they enjoy doing and you need to try and do that during those precious time slots in the day.
Maybe you’re like me and feel like your "purpose compass" is spinning after becoming a mother. That's ok, you're in good company. Continue to practice using your time strategically and keep trying new and interesting things until something clicks and that compass stops spinning.
I'd like to end by being sure to acknowledge that every day you get rewarded as a mother with the joys of your smiling children and the feeling that you are making a positive difference in their life, that feeling of purpose is invaluable, but it shouldn't completely replace your identity of who you were before becoming a mother.
So if you’re feeling a bit lost, exhausted, or hopeless when it comes to finding time for yourself, please know you are not alone, and hopefully day by and day and break by break, your mind will start to clear up from the fog of motherhood and will allow for more clarity to shine through!
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