This article will be explaining what an ex-pat is and share all of my takeaways from my experience in moving to two different countries, Japan and Sweden. All of the strategies mentioned in this article can be applied whether you have kids or not. So let’s dive into how to overcome the social adversities that many ex-pats face when they step out of their comfort zone to see the world!
If you're more into listening rather than reading, you can hear the entire story on episode 8 of The Wander Mom Diaries Podcast! Click the image below to be taken directly there and follow the show if you like it!
So first off, what is an expat? I didn't know the word or the meaning until I became one. Expat is short for expatriate (the commonly misspelled phrase is expatiate).
To say I was an “expatriate” sounded very unpatriotic and a bit harsh to me, but is simply defined as someone who lives in another country other than their own country. It is different from an immigrant or refugee, as this term is generally referring to people who are employed outside their home country, either independently or sent abroad by their employers.
Its shortened term, Expat (or ex-pat), is a commonly known phrase in the travel community, so don't be hesitant to use it. It's a helpful keyword to know as I share with you some strategies on how you can find opportunities to meet new people and make some friends.
In the podcast, I dive into my story about traveling to Japan by myself over 10 years ago and being placed in a tiny fishing village in the very southern tip of the country. It was not an easy situation to meet with people, but I was able to make the most of my circumstances, and here is my advice to you!
Whether you are moving or have moved to the countryside or a large city, the strategies in this article cover the whole spectrum.
Connect with one other person who has been where you’ve been
The first thing you should do is to try and connect with one other person who's been where you've been. In my case, it was my predecessor, but in your case with how expansive Facebook and social media has become, you can easily pinpoint someone who lives in your area.
Ideally, do this before you go make the effort to reach out to someone that you feel comfortable with maybe someone who's in a similar situation as you. Connect with them in advance so that when you arrive you don't have this stress of not knowing anyone at least you'll know one other person. You'd be surprised at how many people are willing to go out of their way to help a stranger!
Once you make one connection, allow for the chain reaction to start, let this person introduce you to some of the locals, or ask for insight on fun activities to do in the area. Ask them if there are community groups that you can join. If you don't know the local language, do everything you can to build a base and start using it.
Learn the local language (ideally, build a base before going there!)
Episode 2 on The Wander Mom Diaries Podcast is all about learning a new language with very helpful tips from Natalia. And she goes over this exact topic about building a base.
She shares some excellent strategies that you can start using today to get going on learning that new language. Had I been better about learning Japanese, I would have had a much smoother transition to my new home.
Half the fun of traveling is getting to know the culture and getting to know the language and getting to know the people that live in that country. That's one of my favorite parts about traveling. So I encourage you to try not to only connect with people who are like you, I encourage you to also make opportunities for yourself to meet people that are native to that country.
Attend community events or join a club. Every place is famous for something. Even my tiny fishing town was famous for tennis, badminton, and taiko drumming. The language barrier wasn’t an issue either because so much is movement and other forms of communication. I did all three while I was there and it was a blast!
Meet Up With Other Expats
You will be able to find other expats as well if you search the term on social media, or maybe your employer can connect you with an expat community. Either way, don't let distance be a huge factor and let that stop you from visiting them and building those connections. In Japan, I traveled 2 hours by bus almost every weekend, and it really wasn't bad. I was able to build strong relationships with fellow expats and we would continue our adventures around the country together!
If you've never heard of Meetup, I go into more detail about it in Episode #6 about how to meet new mom friends, but it is basically a website/app where you can search different community events and groups in your area. During my experience in Malmo, Sweden, there were many, MANY meetups with people that were English speakers.
I also searched Facebook for things that I was interested in, that were happening in the area. Facebook was one of my most helpful tools because there are so many groups formed and you can also search for events happening in your area. I think it was probably the second week I was in Sweden when I joined the first social running group event. There was a mix of ex-pats and swedes and once a week, we'd get together and we do these social runs.
This led to meeting more people through other running events, invites for beach volleyball, picnics, and more!
Try to start with these events and groups themed around what you are interested in. You're going to be invested and motivated to go and to attend because you have an inner passion for it. And then you're also going to meet other people who also have a passion, and then you get to build those relationships and expand from there.
Try not to search for events that are too large, if there's a 5k race going on in your area, you're probably not going to meet or connect with anybody because it's too big of an event. So try to find smaller events, smaller happenings going on where you have the opportunity and that intimacy to kind of, you know, talk to other people and get to know them.
Find a Co-working group or co-working space if you work remotely
One of the first Meetups I went to in Sweden was a co-working space, meetup. I didn't know what co-working was at first, but I found out, after a bit of research, that it is just an opportunity for people who work remotely to get together at a cafe or commonplace and work. It's like having coworkers but you don't work for the same company! You can find these spaces or coworking meetup groups pretty much everywhere. I actually made some really, really close friends by going to co-working spaces and I encourage you to also look for places where you can "rent" space or a desk, and also search for the term "shared workspace" if you are not having much luck with the "co-working".
Get a Job
Another thing that really helped me make some very close friends is getting a job. In my case, we went to Sweden because of my husband's job, so I didn't have a full-time position or any work prospects waiting for me when I arrived in Sweden. I did some exploring, tried some new things, and in the end, I ended up getting hired at the international school there.
I made very strong friendships from working at the school. If this sounds fitting, you don't need a teaching degree to find a good job there. You can do other things like you can be a classroom assistant, you can work on work at the recess duty, tech department, ancillary staff, work at the front desk, etc.
Maybe you do have a background in teaching and may not have a teaching certificate, international schools are a bit more flexible with that they go more by experience. It just depends on the school. If they're private, they would have their own requirements. So don't feel discouraged if you love working with kids. Just get in touch with the international school in your area and see if you can contribute!
Teachers are needed everywhere in all countries. In big cities, like Malmo, there were a lot of international families where they wanted their kids' education in English. So it was actually a great place to meet some English speakers and also meet some new Swedish friends.
But if you aren't a teacher or not interested in working with kids, you can start with cafes or retail. If you're looking for more in the corporate world, then I recommend looking at international companies where the language that you speak is the base (funny story about this for me in the podcast episode!)
IF corporate or working for a company of interest to you is a priority, then mastering the native language down will open up many opportunities for you and give you an edge compared to many competitors.
In the end, if you're going to invest your time into a job, try to find opportunities in whatever interests you, and meeting some new people very quickly will be a bonus to a nice career shift.
Show up Consistently
Finally, my last piece of advice to make new friends as an expat is to show up and show up consistently. The reason that my relationships with my running groups and relationships with co-working spaces were so strong is that I was consistently going.
If you show up one time a month, you're not going to build those strong relationships and you're not going to build that trust that the people will see you and that their time and investment energy into you won't just be wasted. So try to find your groove and then be consistent.
If you liked this content then check out this episode about making new friends in a new country as an expat on The Wander Mom Diaries Podcast!
If you have any feedback or questions, I would love to hear from you.
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I would love to hear from you! Have a wonderful day and don't be afraid to explore away wander moms!
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